What does life mean to me?

For the last, oh I would say 3 weeks, this question "Sharon, what does life mean to you?" kept popping into my head. It kept appearing especially during times when I missed my mother the most. As 15 August approaches, I usually get a little edgy and unsettled as it would bring back memories of the day that I said 'Goodbye' to my mum. If you have gone through this you would know what I mean. If you have not, well, I do hope that this post would give you a heads up to expect the unexpected.

It has puzzled me a little as I kept having this reminder and when I decided to finally take a good look into my life and find out what was prompting me, the following were revealed to me. As I chose to look at my life in different aspects, please bare with me as I reveal them to you section by section. So here it goes...

My Life, My Self, My Love:

I have seen my life change from where I was, a girl who in her early 20s took life for granted and the house like a hotel, coming back drunk every weekend and not giving a hoot about anything that was happening to her and her surrounding, to a women in her early 30s, who was sad, worried, upset and angry all the time with people, things and whatever that she could be angry and upset with. Yup.. Anything and everything that she could be upset with! To now a woman in her late 30s, who has learnt to let go of the hurt, sadness and everything that has not gone wrong and to choose to see things and people as Golden opportunities to re-connect with and love.

Reconnecting with people I have done. And I am very happy of the outcomes that I have created with many of them. But for some, reconnection just brought more heartache for me. But I have to say this "If I did not give it try, I would not know what it would be like." Well, now I know and I can move on with my life.

This road of discovery/recovery for the last 5 years was a very hard and long road for me. I cried a lot, I worried a lot and I was sad a lot. But I was also happy, laughing and made new friends during the process too. So this process was indeed bitter sweet for me.

As I took a deeper look into my life since that question came to me, I have come to notice one thing that stood out. And that was to Love Myself More! Why?

My friends used to say that I love other people too much and do far too many things for them. Sometimes to an extend I worry more for others then I worry for myself. Because of my Superwoman mode, some people have taken me for granted. Yes, sad but true. So now, it is time for me to take a step back and for my friends to realise that I am not going to pick up your pieces that often and while at it, I hope that you will learn a lesson once in a while. I do this because I love you not because I have had enough of this. 

After my mum left, I lost my love for baking. I thought I could carry on but it seems that the hurt was too painful for me to do so. I have decided now that the Baking shall come back and this time it is not only to bake to sell but also to bake the things that I love to and share it with family and friends to bring a smile or some happiness into their lives. So the kitchen would reopen soon and the aroma of love will fill it!

Another thing that I missed doing is to travel! I used to tell myself it is not fun to travel alone because I used to take trips with my mum. Whether it is to travel to visit friends or relatives or just travel to somewhere new we would do it together! After Campvision 2012, I realised that this dream was shelved for 5 years or should I say 7 years. Well... no longer will this be shelved! This I will want to do soon! I know that I cannot bring my mum along with me, but I can live the dream that she would want me to. So world, here I come!

More small gifts to myself and not only for others. More dinner at nice places even if I am out on my own ^_^ So Yes! I have come too realised that I need to Love Myself More.


My Service For God:

When I became Christian in 1998 which would stand about 14 years back, it was a dream of mine to serve God whole heartedly. But as the time came and when God placed opportunities/things to do in my path, I realised that I always gave Him the excuse that I was either not ready or not equipped for what He was going to bring in my path.

But at the end of last year and the beginning of this year I saw myself stepping into unknown territory knowing that the Lord would want me to be there.

First it was to go on a Mission Trip which I have always diverted and not picked up the challenge to go for whenever God called me to go. However, I decided that enough of pushing my way around and just go where He calls me to go. And I went and came back with awesome memories and love for the work that Aunty Mannu is doing at Waasta, India. And because of the found memories and love for the girls and the work that they do there, I have decided to go back again this year. Yup! I am going back to India at the end of the year! And yes I am going to need your support financially again my friends! Wait for more information to come and trust me they will come ^_^

Secondly, God had always impressed upon my heart to work with youth and I have done so working with youth at risk for a few years already. Was called to serve in Campvision 2008, MOV 2009 and then I took a few years break and finally went back to Campvision 2012 which I had a blast serving in and making an impact into the lives of our youths! Thank you God for allowing me to serve in this area this year. However, I knew that Campvision was not the only place that He wanted me to serve in.

There was a nudge from God to go into my church's youth ministry. I took a leap of faith and entered our church Young Adult Group (YAG). However, after a good discussion with someone, I knew that I needed to move on should I want to live the life that God intended for me to be in and that was to disciple our youth. And therefore I prayed about it and God lead me to the existing Bethesda Youth Ministry (BY). Fearing that our current youth would look at me as being so much older then them was a huge obstacle that I needed to get over and I really have to thank the Lord for opening up the way for me and allowing a smooth transition for me into the ministry. Also not forgetting that the two Bs made my journey into BY a pleasant and smooth transition too. So yes, a huge thanks to God and the two Bs.

I also thank the Lord for me to be able to go through this journey call 'life' with three wonderful and gorgeous young ladies! I am not going to name them but they will know who they are! I do pray that the Lord will use me to touch the lives of these 3 ladies and be there for them when their going gets tough and provide them the Spiritual support that they need as well. Love you ladies to bits!

I have also been serving in Junior Sunday School (JSS) for almost 11 years now. This year I moved back to prelims lead worship again. I thought that I could take a sabbatical for at least 1 year but this was not in God's plans. So with or without the new Primary 1 class, I was still to serve in JSS. I enjoy these sessions with the children however, my love was to impart God's word to them and therefore, the Lord provided me an opening for next year to serve Him back as a teacher. I can only pray and ask the Lord to grant me the patience and love for the children to be able to impart His word to them! Knowing that with my own strength I cannot be able to do what He wants me to do.

Something else that the Lord has impressed upon my heart lately which I know that I should have started doing a long time ago was to have people over to my place for dinner. The Lord had given me the gift of cooking and I know that I need to use this gift well for the fellowship that He would want to create in our community. Also a big thank you goes to my mum whom the Lord has given the same gift and she also has used it wisely in the extension of His Kingdom as well. So if you get an invitation to come over for dinner, don't worry, nothing is going to happen. Just come for a meal and have fellowship with a few good friends. So Lord grant me the wisdom to be able to serve your people and grant them a heartfelt and loving meal.

Single or Married:

This question has been on my mind for a long long time! Something that I wonder to myself a lot and more so lately. I know that I want to get married, have someone who puts God first in his life and loves God with all his heart, mind and soul. And I do want to start my own family too. My love for children has put me into the present job that I am in.

I have been praying about this and the answer that I have been getting lately is 'Wait my dear, My timing would be the perfect timing. My gift to you would be the perfect gift. Just be patient.'

So there it is... gotten my answer for this. So for now, what do I do? Hahaha all of the above and don't go into passive waiting. Surrender my feelings and lay them all at the Lord's feet and wait for His to move a person's heart ^_^ because that really is the only thing I can do right now in regards to this.

Yes Lord, your servant is waiting for You to show me what You have in stall for me.

Friendship:
I love my friends a lot. I hate to have arguments with them and most of all I dislike the fact that if anything goes wrong with our friendship they just walk out of it and not let me know. I don't like to go through life not knowing why a person is upset or angry with me for something that I am unaware of! So if you get a text or sms or a call from me asking if things are cool with us, it is because I am just taking time out to evaluate my life and my friendship with you. I am doing this because I care enough. So if things are cool with us, just say so. If it is not, let's talk!

There is also a group of people I want to acknowledge here and tell them what I really think of our friendship! They are a group of friends whom I have known for more then 15 years now. Whenever I speak to people about friendship, I always mentioned this group of friend. Why you must be wondering right? Well, because these people are friends that are really hard to come by. Even though I have not had the time (Yes yes... I know I have slackened in this people.) to meet up with all of them, I know for one thing that they will always be great friends of mine!

Let me tell you a little of what these friends of mine have done for me and more so when my mum passed away! They came almost every night to be with me during the wake and when I thought that no one would be able to stay over at night, they were VERY VERY willing to stay over and the next morning go off to get ready for work. This is something that I cannot ask for more! True friends that would be with me true thick and thin. True friends that I cherish a whole load and when I could not be around for Christmas last year, I really missed them dearly as that would be our usual meeting time and not forgetting New Year's Eve. They are friends whom I know will support me in many areas of my life. The only thing I need to do is to ask them for support! And most of all true friends who have gone through with me the tough times which I had with my father.

To you, my dear long time friends, you know who you are! S, H, P, J, BH, D, G, KP, TC, MZ and Big Bear, a big thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship throughout these years! I would not be where or who I am if not for you! Thank you for loving me for who I am! Hugs to you! Yes Yes... I will arrange a dinner or something soon! Hopefully before MZ gives birth ^_^

To my LP68 mates, thank you for giving me the opportunity to love you for who you are and for giving me the opportunity for me to be that Powerful, Cheerful and Beautiful Woman during the last 5 years! Thank you for also loving me for who I am and for allowing my nerdy self to come out recently and always providing me that feedback when you know I need it most. I know that you will be a group of people whom I can call on for support when I need it to. So yes thanks mates! We shall meet soon!

For friends whom I have met just recently, I thank you for your friendship that you have given me thus far. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me for who I am. If for any reasons you have felt neglected recently, I am sorry! There is something that I want you to know is that you have not been forgotten.

Family:

After my mum passed away, many times, I think about the family and I thank God for each and every one of them! Many of them have taken me through thick and thin after my mum passed away. Thank you for that. I know for many I have not spoken too for some time and so I will be re-connecting with you soon! I do miss all of you very much!

For my family members here in Singapore and in Perth, thank you for being in my life and for allowing me to be who I am. For many of you, you have watched me grow up and have taken a keen interest in my life. Please know that you are much appreciated! To both sides of my family members, you also know who you are, thank you for always making me feel welcome and always a child of yours. Thank you for always listening to my challenges and worries and thank you for always keeping an eye out for me! Love you lots!


So... Yes... that is the great reveal of what life means to me now and the direction that I will be taking from now onwards. If you receive a call/sms/whatsapp/ from me to re-connect/catch up/or just hang out with, please know that I care enough for you to want to know what is happening in your life! Hope this has been a good read thus far! Have a blessed weekend to all!

A Tribute to my Mum!

15 August 2005, is a day that I will never forget. Why you must be wondering. It’s simply because, on that day I lost my best friend, my mentor, my sister but most of all my mother.

My mother was a person who can never be replaced. She made many sacrifices in her life for me and she would even lay down her life for me.

Mum was a giver in all expects of her life. She gave up her happiness for me. She gave up her time for me. If you ask me to sit down and write down all the things she has given more, there would be no end to it.

Mum made me who I am today and I thank her and love her for it. She made me into a person who has a kind and loving heart that represented who she was. I would never hear a harsh word coming from her and she would always end up a quarrel with “You know I still love you for who you are.” She made me into a powerful and passionate woman that represented the life that she lead and did not give up even when the going got tough. She made me into the cheerful and giving person she was because to her, being able to support people either financially or physically and making their day is something that she was proud off. She made me into a humble and beautiful person I am today because she was always reminding me that people cannot tolerate a person who is proud and arrogant. These are just some of the qualities and characters mum had imparted to me and I thank her for that.

If you ask me how much do I love my mother, it would not be measurable. I would not be able to describe to you everything that I love about her. However, there is something that I want to write in this article and let you know about her.

1 month before my mother returned to our Lord and Maker, she called me into her room and as I was sitting and talking to her, she told me this. She said “Today let me tell you something darling, I will be returning to our Marker soon. But I want you to promise me one thing. I want you to promise me that on the day that I die, you don’t cry your heart out. I know that you are going to miss me but I want you to be strong.” Then she continued to say this to me “Today you can cry all you want in-front of me and I will be here to console you. But when I am gone and you cry, I cannot do anything for you anymore. Let me console you one last time.” Given that situation, I sat there and cried and talked to mum for about 3 hours or more. From that day onwards, mum’s health deteriorated until the day she return to Heaven.

On the morning when mum returned to the Lord, I cried. But they were tears of joy as mum did not have to suffer any longer. She did not have to struggle to breath and feel the pain of her other organs shutting down. It was indeed very painful to see her trying to take a deep breadth.

As I am writing this, tears fill my eyes and I remember as if it was yesterday that I was sitting at the edge of mum’s bed and talking to her.

Thank you mum for who you are and who you have made me to be. Thank you for allowing me to explore my life and gave me the opportunity to learn and try out new things. Thank you for guiding me in the right path and allowing me to give with all my heart and with no strings attached. Thank you for the love you have given me that I can give to others. But most of all, thank you mum for being a mum to me.

Written by Sharon Rodrigues

Missing mummy as the day draws nearer

As the day draws nearer to her death anniversary, I start to miss her even more.

Every year on 15 August, my heart sinks. Sinks to the bottom of the Ocean and after that I have to spend loads of time to bring it back again to where it should be. Not having you around has made me miss you even more. But I know that I cannot bring you back and just have to live with your memories.

Memories of what a great and awesome mum you have been to me. Memories of how you have given me life and took me through life. Memories of how you have been a sister and mentor to me as well. Memories of you holding me in your arms, crying with me, laughing with me and giving me the kisses that I missed most of all!

But sometimes the date serves as a good reminder to me. It reminds me to be thankful that I have a life. A life that is given to God to do what He pleases. A life that is able to live to this very day and carry on with His work here on earth. A life that is indeed wonderful and true.

Campvision 2012

It has been a while since i last blogged and many things has happened. But the most memorable thing was Campvision 2012.

From 22 - 24 June, Campvision held it's annual 3 days 2 nights camp and as i have been away from this for almost 3 years, i thought that it was time that i went back and be in contribution to them. And looking back, i thank God that i made this stand for myself and for the youth.

Having been welcomed back was very warm and I thank those who made it possible for me to just fall back to the roll that I have missed. You must be wondering what it is right... it is just simply being myself. Honestly i missed me... and i missed my dreams. I have been so tied up with work and all, that i had shelved my dreams for 5 years! Oh man 5 years of my life was just gone like that.

BUT after this year... no more waiting for that long anymore. I am going to live my dreams.

What came through my mind was... so Sharon What's next?

Being taken for Granted!

I hate it when I feel all unsettled, worried, angry, confused... you name it! All these negative feelings have been in my heart since last night.

Why? All because of being taken for granted :(

When someone takes me for granted whether consiously or unconsiously, it hurts. It hurts even more when the friendship is so close. Having given 100% into a friendship and honestly not expecting anything in return can sometimes get to me... and that is the actual truth.

When I go into a friendship, I don't expect anything in return. But in honest truth, being loved a little bit more would be nice ^_^

Being a Giver takes effort. Giving 100% can sometimes be very tiring. Lesson learned for me is... sometimes Sharon your taker side needs to come in and take over.

Once in a blue moon will do the trick. Like maybe now. Giving all the time is indeed tiring... but being able to take somethings back would be nice at times.

As human beings, we tend to forgot people and things when we get into our own little bubble. But that bubble has to burst one day and you will need to see what is in the outside world and give a little.

You don't just give to the younger ones. The older one needs to be loved as well... Lord forgive me for being selfish. Grant me a peaceful and loving heart this day. Amen.

Missing Mummy

Today is not one of the days that I look forward to.

It has been 6.5 years since mum has gone home to be with the Lord.

I woke up this morning feeling sad and horrible. Wished that I had mum to talk to and share some of my hurt and pain that I am going through right now.

Only she can understand what I am feeling and knows the right words to say during times like this.

I want to have a chat with her right now... I really do!

To have a good talk... a good cry... a good laugh is what I have been missing these last 6.5 years. Speaking to my mum is me being able to pour out my heart and not holding ANYTHING back from her. I know that I can trust her and tell her everything. Even if I knew that it would make her angry with me. But I still could talk about it. Honestly, no one can ever replace her. NO ONE!

Mummy I miss you very very much today! I wish that you were still on this earth with me but I know that you are now in Heaven with God and praising and worshipping Him all the time! I cannot wait to see you again!

Love you lots mummy!

Lesson for the day!!

Today was a day of reflection for me.
Reflecting on words and actions.

First reflection is this:
Life is about giving chances and opportunities to people around me. If i don't give them this simple desire to try, who am i to say i cannot work with this person or even learn to love this person. The Lord died on the cross for me therefore giving me the opportunity to live a sin less life. HE gave me a chance so how about me giving others a chance?

Secondly:
God never made us all the same. Some of us when we are upset we blow off immediately. HOWEVER there are those around us when we are upset with someone we just give them the cold shoulder. By doing so does not help the person who has done wrong. Because he or she does not know what he or she has done wrong towards you. It does not help both parties. Talk about it and that is the respect that you can give to each other. You will learn to respect each other better this way!!

God gave us choices to make in our lives so make the right ones. If u fall on your face, He will be there to pick you up. So make the right choice today.

Being Inspired - Psalm 1

Yesterday I was inspired by a friend to memorize some scriptures again! Yup it has been a while since I've done that. And yes I am going to do that again! But this time not just memorizing them... I am also going to read and understand what it means!

Here is the first scripture for this year that I would like to memorize. It is Psalm 1.

1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seats of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

I shall update on what this Psalm means soon!

In the main time... Be blessed!

Amen!

Papa didn't say 'Oh!'

In today's Daily Bread... this is what was mentioned!

I have a friend who was working in his home office one evening, trying to get some necessary paperwork done. His little girl, who was about 4 years old at the time, was playing around his desk, puttering about, moving objects here and there, pulling out drawers, and making a good deal of noise.

My friend endured the distraction with stoic patience until the child slammed a drawer on one of her fingers and screamed in pain. Reacting in exasperation he shouted, “That’s it!” as he escorted her out of the room and shut the door.

Later, her mother found her weeping in her bedroom and tried to comfort her. “Does your finger still hurt?” she asked. “No,” the little girl sniffled. “Then why are you crying?” her mother asked. “’Cause,” she whimpered, “when I pinched my finger, Papa didn’t say, ‘Oh!’”

Sometimes that’s all we need, isn’t it? Someone who cares and who will respond with kindness and compassion, someone who will say, “Oh!” We have One named Jesus who does that for us.

Jesus loves us, understands our sorrows, and gave Himself for us (Eph. 5:2). Now we are to “walk in love” and imitate Him.



Knowing God—what comfort there,
Drawn by His eternal care;
Love from God—what joy we share,
Drawn into His mercies rare. —Branon

God’s whisper of comfort quiets the noise of our trials.

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This reminded me of the so little times I have stopped and be concern to someone or anyone for that matter.